I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Alive.
So much puke
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
