mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
