The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
