My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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