im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
