I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
