We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
