I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
