respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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