last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
