no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize