Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
