tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
