I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it's like iHOP with fire
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
