i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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