You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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