Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
