I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
