1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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