its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
