first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
