he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
