I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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