went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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