sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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