i love accidental penises.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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