apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
