she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
