somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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