if you like me you must not know who I am
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
