you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
