Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
