he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
