Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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