So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
