I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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