I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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