in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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