I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Who died my cat blue again?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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