This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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