Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I need moral support for this bender
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
