I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
