so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
