Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we're making bets on your personal life
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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