Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
