i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a dumb baby whore.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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