Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
