Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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