can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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