the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
