Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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