Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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