I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
