Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
