mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
