According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
