Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
