I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
