I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
