cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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