her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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