You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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