Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
