i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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