can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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