im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
