Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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