she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize