Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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