So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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