Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
