Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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